


I Don't Regret It

by Emachinescat



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e12 The Fires of Idirsholas, Gen, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-28
Updated: 2010-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-13 18:17:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1236331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emachinescat/pseuds/Emachinescat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse into Merlin's tortured mind after Morgause has vanished with a poisoned Morgana, leaving him guilt-stricken and utterly alone. It wasn't supposed to happen this way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Regret It

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own, for entertainment purposes only. 
> 
> Enjoy. :)

The pain in your eyes,  
The shortening of breath,  
The fear in your gaze,  
The cold hand of death

The tears falling down  
Mixing with mine  
When you pushed me away  
Your eyes asking me "why?"

I can't even begin to explain  
There are no words to say  
That even touch on the agony  
Of taking your life away

Your green-gray eyes accusing,  
Terrified, petrified, you were choking on air  
And I turned my back, I had no choice…  
I know it's not fair

How can I seek to describe  
The pain that seared through my being  
As I watched you struggle  
At simply breathing

I don't regret it  
I don't; I did what I had to  
I'd do it again…  
I'd do it to you

I'm sorry; I'm sorry  
I know you hate me  
With every inch of your being  
It's impossible for you to see

What your pain did to my soul  
My friend, my ally, or what remained of that bond  
I held you close; you were not alone  
Comforted by the one who had done this great wrong

I find myself angry  
At myself and at you  
How COULD you make the choice  
To betray those who love you?

I know I'm a traitor  
At least in your mind  
You'll never know the heartbreak  
I felt when we cried

I didn't do it for me  
But I'd do it again  
I do not regret it…  
I don't…I swear, I'd do it again

You think me a monster,  
And maybe that's true  
But you worked against us  
Arthur, me, Gwen, even you

I couldn't let the kingdom fall,  
Or innocent people die  
One life for the sake of hundreds?  
I had the power to save those lives

I'm sorry for what I did to you  
And I hate I betrayed your trust  
Every day I suffer and wonder  
What life would be if I hadn't destroyed "us"

You're my friend  
And it tore me apart  
From inside to out  
Destroyed my soul and my heart

I'll never forgive myself  
For what I did to you  
My friend who trusted me  
I'll never forgive me for hurting you

I'm relieved that your sister,  
No matter how twisted  
Was able to save you  
But I fear for your conscience

I swear, I am sorry,  
I swear I won't forgive or forget  
The deed I have done  
But I'd do it again

To give up one life  
For tons of people that are dying  
That have done you no wrong  
Is heart-breaking and trying

But I did what I had to  
And I'll suffer alongside you  
I'll hate me and I have no doubt  
You'll hate me, too

Yet I will still love you  
And mourn who you used to be  
My ally, my friend, there to the end  
Now sees me as an enemy

I don't regret it…  
Then again, maybe I do  
I wish I could've saved them  
While also saving you


End file.
